Hey babe,
So, my plan is to study with Santell, which is the girl who I did my volunteer work with, the one who dropped me off at home last week. We decided to stay at the hospital and study in the Library. I am not sure how long it will take but I am guessing about 3 hours from when we get out of class. Supposedly, class ends at 5:30 today but we will see. Santell is going to drop me off at the Naylor Rd after we finish studying. I will give you a call if anything changes. That's about it for that subject!
Thanks for talking with me at lunch! I had a lot to think and write about after I got off the phone with you and it made me feel better. Thank you for being patient with me, I am really learning a lot and developing. I realize that I do not thoroughly communicate with you and I see the effect that it has on simple things. That will change! I am so used to being a loner, and independent individual that never had to communicate my thoughts and moves. I am so used to just doing what I do. That is not going to work for us so, I will put forth the effort to make clear, concise communication between you and I. I decided to purchase a journal. Everyday I am going to write about the things that we talk or do not talk about. I know that putting things on paper makes dealing easier for me. All my life I have been the type of person to hold everything in. I know that is not good. I listen and listen to what others have to say and I hold what I feel or what to say in. That has a lot to do with my upbringing, we were not allowed to say how we felt in certain situations. I can explain it to you in more detail when I see you. But I will not allow my upbringing (past) to interfere with the present, I am determined to overcome that part of me. I am very easily bruised or hurt (extremely easy to hurt) so as a defense mechanism or to protect myself in advance or at the expense of not wanting to sound stupid or be misunderstood, I have learned/programmed myself to not express my truest feelings.
You were right, now I am being bombarded with new things. Not only in my profession but in my personal life. This is good because I am learning fast. I am doing my best to absorb and change the areas of me that need to be tweeked. Please, continue to be patient with me as I try to learn patience. Where I lack please continue to fill in and bring to my attention the outrageous things I do at times. Also know that I have not malicious intent ever when it comes to how and why I do things. Most of my life has been sheltered as you probably can tell, my only influence up until 2001 was my immediate family. I desire change and am taking the necessary steps to become more versatile in my thinking, actions and speaking, I need your help!
I love you, pray that I retain my study material and do good tomorrow. See you when I get home.
Alesha
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